Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Have Sex With Them Like When You First Met!

Intro 0s

• There are over 20 kinds of orgasms that people can experience, including a specific type referred to as the "queen of orgasms" that can be achieved through specific techniques not typically shown in pornography 2s.
• Dr. Susan Bratton is a world-renowned sex specialist and best-selling author of over 30 books and programs, with expertise that has empowered millions to master pleasuring techniques, bedroom communication, and unlock their true sexual potential 28s.
• Dr. Bratton focused on sex as a career after experiencing difficulties with orgasm during intercourse in her own marriage, which is a common problem many people face 42s.
• Dr. Bratton has developed 48 sex techniques that she teaches, including methods she loves to teach men, as well as the use of specific toys and devices 1m6s.
• The discussion is based on questions sent in by the audience, and the host asks for support by subscribing to the show in order to continue providing high-quality content and responding to feedback 1m29s.
• A significant percentage of the audience, 53%, has not yet subscribed to the show, and the host requests their support by hitting the Subscribe button 1m33s.

What Do You Do and Why Do You Do It? 2m4s

• Susan teaches passionate love-making techniques through various media, including books, programs, and audios 2m5s.
• Her motivation for doing this work is her passion for passion, and she aims to promote a unique brand of sexual education 2m17s.
• This brand of sexual education focuses on heart-connected, conscious, passionate love-making, which distinguishes it from transactional sex or sex that resembles pornography 2m23s.

Advice for Someone Struggling With Their Sex Life 2m36s

• When individuals struggle with their sex life, it's essential to understand their vision and expectations for a fulfilling sex life, as sex is a vast and personal landscape 2m37s.
• People often worry that there's something wrong with them if their sex life isn't as good as they want it to be, but this concern can be addressed by learning passionate love-making techniques and improving bedroom communication 3m17s.
• A key aspect of resolving sex life struggles is understanding how to have open and honest communication with one's partner, knowing what you want, and asking for it without making your partner feel like they've done anything wrong 3m52s.
• Learning about pleasuring techniques, how the body works, and the possibilities of sex can also help, as many people are unaware of the various options available due to the censorship of sex 4m18s.
• There are over 20 kinds of orgasms that individuals can experience, and understanding this can help people explore their sexual potential and improve their sex life 4m27s.
• By understanding the communication and pleasure aspects of sex, individuals can begin to try new things and work towards achieving their desired sex life 4m54s.

Common Questions Women Ask About Sex 4m57s

• Women often email with concerns about their libido, feeling guilty, and unhappy with their sex life, as exemplified by an email from a woman named Suzanne. 4m57s
• Common questions from women about sex typically involve feelings of low libido, disinterest in sex, and feelings of guilt or unhappiness. 5m11s
• Women may also express concerns about feeling unfulfilled or uncertain if their feelings or actions are right, indicating a sense of self-doubt and insecurity. 5m23s

Common Questions Men Ask About Sex 5m35s

• Men commonly ask about sexual biohacking, erectile dysfunction, penis enlargement, and male enhancement, with the most frequent concern being that there is something wrong with their penis 5m55s.
• Many men also reach out with feelings of shame around their desires or frustrations with their partner, seeking advice on how to have the kind of sex they want 6m12s.
• People, both men and women, often contact for help in fixing problems related to the quality of their sex life 6m25s.

Quality vs. Quantity in Relationships 6m27s

• In relationships, quality is generally considered more important than quantity, as fixing quality can also address quantity issues 6m30s.
• Quality is prioritized over quantity, and it is believed that quality comes before quantity in relationships 6m35s.

Susan’s Journey to Becoming a Sexpert 6m41s

• Susan's journey to becoming a sex expert was atypical, as it's not a typical career path studied in college, and she didn't branch into it from a psychology degree 6m41s.
• At the age of 42, Susan went on a sexual expansion journey and started her company shortly after, marking a significant shift in her career focus 6m54s.
• Prior to this, Susan's career had been focused on various other things, particularly in high tech, where she and her husband, Tim, were successful in Silicon Valley, with Tim inventing the first version of Spotify 7m8s.
• Susan had been married to Tim for 33 years and, despite their successful careers and beautiful family, their marriage had become platonic, with Susan avoiding sex due to her inability to have an orgasm from intercourse 7m17s.
• Susan had experienced sexual trauma as a child, which she believes is a common issue affecting many people, including both women and men, and can lead to difficulties in their sex lives 8m5s.
• Susan could have an orgasm from using a vibrator but not from intercourse, which contributed to her avoidance of sex with her husband 8m0s.

Lessons From Overcoming Sexual Trauma 8m35s

• Sexual trauma can teach individuals about their inner selves, power, and sovereignty, and that no one can take away who they are, as it did for the individual in question 8m35s.
• Healing from trauma requires both talk therapy and empathy from someone, as well as somatic release or physical body release 8m56s.
• Trauma can become a person's greatest gift, as it did for the individual, who transformed their traumatic experience into a positive outcome 9m8s.
• The individual always enjoyed sex and refused to let their traumatic experience negatively impact their sex life 9m22s.
• However, the individual experienced dissociation during intimacy, which involves emotionally leaving the scene while remaining physically present 9m30s.
• Dissociation during intimacy prevents individuals from forming a heart connection with their partner, finding their humanity in their lover, and connecting with a higher power or "Source" 9m34s.

What Is Dissociation in Sexual Contexts? 9m52s

• Dissociation in a sexual context refers to a state where an individual physically goes through the motions but is not emotionally present, often serving as protection against being hurt again 10m1s.
• Dissociation can be overcome by learning new skills and techniques, such as those taught in sex workshops, Tantra workshops, and other forms of sex education 10m29s.
• Sex workshops and education can help individuals learn how to have sex that is not just intercourse, but also encompasses other forms of intimacy and connection 10m33s.
• Various workshops and programs, such as those from the Human Awareness Institute, Ecstatic Loving, and Orgasmic Meditation, can provide individuals with the skills and knowledge to improve their sex lives 10m45s.
• Mainstream media, such as film and pornography, often portray male-dominated and repressed styles of sex, rather than female-focused, heart-connected, and blissful sex 11m13s.
• The lack of good examples of passionate and connected lovemaking in mainstream media can make it difficult for individuals to learn and experience healthy and fulfilling sex 11m8s.
• Online programs and courses can provide a more accessible and less intimidating way for individuals to learn about sex and intimacy, especially for those who may not be able to attend in-person workshops 12m16s.
• Tim, the speaker's husband, helped her overcome dissociation and work on their sex life together, and they eventually began creating online programs to help others improve their sex lives 10m20s.

Susan’s Personal Struggles With Her Sex Life 12m38s

• Susan's sex life with her partner, Tim, had declined over time, and they were not having sex as frequently as they used to, especially after the initial "new relationship energy" had worn off 12m38s.
• When they first met, they had a lot of sex, but it was mostly intercourse-focused, which Susan describes as "grab a boob and stick it in" 12m51s.
• Susan believes that to have great, mutually pleasurable sex, one needs to learn a few key skills, and she teaches intercourse skills because that's what is often modeled in the world 13m14s.
• She thinks that sex is like a "little hinge that swings a big door," meaning that small changes can make a big difference, and she wants to help people understand that they can improve their sex lives by learning new skills 13m42s.
• Susan disagrees with the idea that some women are "broken" and can't have orgasms from intercourse, and she believes that anyone can learn to have great sex and close the "orgasm gap" 14m7s.
• She thinks that people should keep learning new skills and not miss out on other aspects of sex, which includes foreplay, intimacy, and connection 14m36s.
• Susan dislikes the idea that there's a distinction between "foreplay" and "sex," which she thinks comes from religious repression, and she believes that sex encompasses a wide range of activities, including kissing, touching, and oral pleasure 14m53s.
• She thinks that sex should be a holistic experience that includes words of appreciation, adoration, and encouragement, and that it can involve trying new things, like playing with toys or having sex in new locations 15m9s.

Are You Offering Mercy Sex? 15m49s

• A person had stopped having sex with their partner, leading to a significant decrease in intimacy, and was only engaging in what they call "Mercy sex" about once or twice a month, or every week to 10 days, out of obligation rather than desire 15m56s.
• Mercy sex is described as giving in to a partner's needs out of pity, to prevent them from becoming miserable, rather than a genuine interest in intimacy 16m0s.
• The person felt guilty about not wanting to have sex, while their partner was confused and wondered if they had married a lesbian due to the lack of interest 16m22s.
• At the beginning of the relationship, the couple did have sex, but it was often due to the excitement of a new relationship, rather than genuine skill or knowledge of each other's needs 16m32s.
• A program called "Revive Her Drive" was created to help couples rekindle their intimacy, but it's emphasized that it only works if sex was previously good and has since declined, rather than if sex was never good to begin with 16m47s.
• The program aims to educate men on how to understand and meet their partner's needs, rather than simply trying to "fix" their partner, and has been successful in helping couples improve their intimacy 17m13s.

Steps to Healing Sexual Trauma 17m34s

• Healing from sexual trauma involves working with a therapist, such as a sexual trauma therapist, and exploring different methods like the circling method and somatic therapy, which helped in a relatively quick recovery, although this may not be the case for everyone due to factors like genetic predispositions and serotonin pathways 17m42s.
• Some individuals may struggle to overcome trauma due to their genetic makeup, which can make it feel like a fresh wound every time they think about it, but having behavioral flexibility and being comfortable in discomfort can aid in the healing process 18m41s.
• Writing down every single sexual trauma, injustice, frustration, wound, hurt, pain, and experience can be a helpful step in the healing process, as it allows individuals to confront and process their emotions with the guidance of a therapist 19m11s.
• Sharing these experiences with a therapist can be beneficial, as it provides a safe space for individuals to be heard and validated, helping them to move forward and put their past behind them 19m34s.
• It's essential to note that everyone's healing process is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another, so it's crucial to find the right type of therapy and approach that suits individual needs 20m5s.
• While healing from trauma is a personal process, learning about how to have fulfilling and enjoyable sex can be a separate area of study and exploration, which can be pursued once the underlying issues have been addressed 20m13s.

Identifying Problems in Your Relationship 20m34s

• A problem was identified in a relationship, and the awareness of this issue led to seeking the help of a therapist 20m34s.
• The therapist asked about the couple's sex life, which led to unpacking and healing the underlying issues 21m1s.
• The therapist's inquiry about the individual's sex life revealed a history of injustices and traumatic experiences that were at the heart of many challenges 21m17s.
• The individual shared their experiences, which, although not unique, were significant in understanding the root of the problems 21m21s.
• The individual's courage to discuss sensitive topics openly was a key factor in addressing the issues, as many people feel embarrassed to talk about such things 21m35s.
• The individual acknowledged that they are not special, but rather relatable to others, and that their willingness to discuss their experiences is what sets them apart 21m29s.

Exploring Sex Injustice and Trauma 21m41s

• Factors that can impact sex drive due to sexual injustice and trauma include never knowing how one's body parts work, understanding sex as bad or shameful, and lack of knowledge about sex from parents or caregivers 21m41s.
• Some people may struggle with the fact that their parents never discussed or demonstrated sex, leading to a repressed or stoic upbringing that can impact their sex life 22m12s.
• It's essential to acknowledge that parents often did the best they could with the knowledge they had, and it's not their job to manage one's sexuality or sex life 22m38s.
• Taking ownership of one's sex life and considering it a personal responsibility can help individuals move past trauma and victim mentality 22m53s.
• Trauma can also stem from abuse, repression, shame, or lack of knowledge, which can create fear and hinder pleasure 23m18s.
• Fear is the enemy of pleasure, and educating oneself about their body and pleasure can help overcome this fear 23m25s.
• Understanding the difference between nature (how one's body works) and nurture (environmental influences on sexuality) is crucial in addressing sex-related trauma 23m39s.
• Recognizing the differences between male and female arousal can significantly improve sex and intimacy with a partner 23m49s.
• Applying the "Platinum Rule" – treating one's partner the way they need to be treated, rather than how one wants to be treated – can also enhance sex and intimacy 24m11s.

Affair in Susan’s Marriage: A Discussion 24m15s

• Susan's husband, Tim, had an affair with a woman who was also in a sexless marriage, and he confessed to Susan about the relationship, which initially made her feel shame and guilt, thinking it was her fault for not being a good wife 24m20s.
• However, Susan later realized that Tim was trying to cope with the lack of pleasure and connection in their marriage, and his actions were not a personal attack on her 24m59s.
• Susan notes that sex is a bell curve, and she typically addresses the average couple, not those at the extremes, and in their case, Tim's affair was a symptom of their mutual problem – a lack of knowledge about each other's bodies and desires 25m25s.
• When Tim confessed, Susan initially considered separating, but a moment with their 6-year-old daughter, who asked if Tim would still be her daddy, made Susan realize she couldn't ruin their daughter's life and that she loved Tim 27m19s.
• Susan and Tim decided to work on their issues, attending therapy and sex workshops, which helped them resolve their problems and improve their sex life within months 28m35s.
• Susan credits Tim as her rock, supporting her and allowing her to help others, and she acknowledges that she couldn't have done better than him as a partner 27m45s.

Understanding Non-Monogamy 28m46s

• Non-monogamous relationships can be challenging, but they can also be rewarding and fun, as experienced by the individual who opened their relationship with their husband after many years of monogamy 28m48s.
• Non-monogamy is a broad term that encompasses various relationship dynamics, including ethical non-monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, lifestyles, swinging, and relationship anarchy 29m29s.
• The individual has been in an open relationship with their husband for over 20 years, and they were guided by people in their 70s and 80s who are still in open relationships, teaching them how to maintain physical and emotional safety 29m51s.
• Relationship anarchy is a term used to describe a specific branch of non-monogamy, which is the individual's current preferred flavor of non-monogamy 30m18s.
• The key aspect of non-monogamy is that it's essential to prioritize physical and emotional safety, and to engage in safe sex practices, which can be learned and implemented 31m8s.
• The individual emphasizes that they are not promoting their lifestyle as better than others, but rather sharing their experiences and expertise in the realm of sex and relationships 30m38s.
• The individual's extensive experience with multiple partners has allowed them to develop expertise in being better in bed and having incredible experiences while maintaining safety 31m1s.

How to Start Conversations About Sex With Your Partner 31m20s

• Figuring out how to have conversations about sex with a partner can be a significant challenge in most relationships, as it may lead to defensiveness or hurt feelings 31m20s.
• One approach that helped save a marriage was adopting the practice of radical honesty, as described in Brad Blandon's book, which involves being completely truthful with each other 31m48s.
• Radical honesty can be painful, but it can also be liberating and exciting, as it allows partners to understand each other's desires, boundaries, and flaws 32m41s.
• When expressing honesty, it's essential to do so with love and kindness, rather than meanness, to avoid hurting each other's feelings 32m50s.
• Instead of being brutally honest, partners can express their concerns in a more supportive and caring manner, such as expressing worry about their partner's health rather than criticizing their appearance 33m21s.
• By being honest and open about their boundaries, desires, and flaws, partners can love each other more fully and respect each other's needs 33m38s.
• Radical honesty also allows partners to accept that they may not be compatible, and that's okay, as it's better to be honest about their differences than to pretend to be someone they're not 33m58s.

Becoming Polyamorous: Susan’s Story 34m2s

• Susan and her partner, Tim, started exploring polyamory after attending workshops where they experienced group activities, including sensation play and receiving positive affirmations from others, known as an "angel shower" 34m4s.
• The idea of becoming polyamorous was a mutual decision, as they had both been exposed to these experiences and wanted to explore them further 34m12s.
• Susan recalls a workshop where she was part of a group of four people, with one person receiving sensation and the other three giving it, while also sharing things they loved and appreciated about the person 34m21s.
• The experience of receiving an "angel shower" from a group of people can be powerful, as it becomes difficult to negate the kindness and positive affirmations being shared 35m0s.
• Susan and Tim have been playing a game called "three things I love about you" for decades, where they take turns sharing things they appreciate about each other, with the rule of never repeating the same thing twice 35m23s.
• This game has helped them cultivate a deeper sense of love and appreciation for each other, and Susan often requests that Tim play this game with her before their lovemaking dates as a way to feel reassured and loved 35m37s.
• By focusing on what they love about each other, Susan and Tim have found that they are more in love and less judgmental, both with each other and with others 36m10s.

First Question From the Audience 36m20s

• Eliza, a mother of two in her 40s, is struggling to find intimacy with her partner due to disconnection and lack of quality time together, often feeling like they're just "passing like ships in the night" 36m58s.
• Eliza's situation is not unique, as many couples experience a decline in intimacy during the child-rearing years, with exhaustion and lack of sleep taking a toll on their relationship 38m19s.
• As people age, their priorities and perspectives on sex and relationships change, with those in their 40s often realizing they need to "fight for their sex life" and those in their 50s and 60s seeking to make the most of their remaining years 39m0s.
• Eliza's body changes, particularly after having children, have made her feel uncomfortable and disconnected from her own body, leading to body image issues and feelings of being less desirable 39m42s.
• Estrogen, a hormone that protects women, can also contribute to body image issues and self-judgment, making women more critical of themselves and their bodies 40m21s.
• Eliza's husband is likely feeling disconnected and overwhelmed, unsure of how to reconnect with his wife, highlighting the need for skills and mindfulness in maintaining intimacy 41m4s.
• Sex is described as a mindfulness practice that requires connection to one's heart and partner, with a focus on the present moment rather than physical appearance 41m26s.
• Prioritizing self-care, stress reduction, and intimacy is essential, especially during times of exhaustion and stress, as it can help individuals reconnect with their partners and themselves 41m51s.

Overcoming Body Image Issues in Relationships 42m7s

• Body image issues in relationships often stem from the woman expressing unhappiness with her own body, while her partner usually finds her attractive and is satisfied with her appearance 42m7s.
• The partner often reassures the woman that she looks great and that her appearance was a factor in their initial attraction 42m22s.
• In contrast, men rarely express dissatisfaction with their own bodies due to the effects of testosterone, which can create a more positive self-image 42m28s.
• Testosterone is associated with a "warrior" mindset, characterized by single-minded focus and confidence, whereas estrogen is linked to multitasking and a more critical self-perception 42m32s.
• As a result, men tend to have a more favorable view of themselves, while women often have a more critical view of their own bodies 42m55s.
• This disparity in self-perception can contribute to body image issues in relationships, with women often feeling they look worse than they do and men feeling they look better than they do 42m57s.

Reconnecting With Your Partner: Two Proven Techniques 43m1s

• Reconnecting with a partner can be achieved through two proven techniques, which are essential in recocreating a connection that may have been lost over time, allowing for multiple renaissances in a relationship throughout the years 43m1s.
• One technique is called the "Sexual Soulmate Pact," an agreement between partners where one can express their desires and feelings without fear of criticism, allowing the other partner to understand their needs and provide what is required 43m47s.
• The pact involves being open about one's desires, whether it's needing to be held and comforted or wanting to be ravished and intimate, and the partner's role is to provide what is needed without taking it as criticism 43m50s.
• Starting with holding and being held is essential, as it generates oxytocin, which counteracts the effects of cortisol caused by stress and other factors, and is a crucial step in reconnecting with a partner 44m42s.
• The first step is to have a conversation about the pact, and the second step is to simply hold each other, which can be done without conversation, allowing partners to reconnect and generate oxytocin 45m8s.
• Men can be taught to provide a "menu of small offers" to their partner, allowing them to choose what they need in that moment, whether it's comfort, intimacy, or something else 45m21s.
• The female arousal system is slow and requires time to warm up, often taking 15-20 minutes, especially if it's been a long time between intimate sessions, and men should focus on helping their partner relax and calm down rather than rushing to achieve orgasm 46m0s.
• Holding and comforting a partner can help them relax and feel safe, allowing them to reconnect and feel good about their partner again 46m40s.

How Comparisons Hurt Intimacy in Relationships 46m47s

• Using the word "should" in relationships can be corrosive, as it often implies an external comparison to others, leading to feelings of guilt and harm in one's relationship 46m47s.
• Comparing oneself to others or past relationships can cause significant harm and guilt, and banning such comparisons can be beneficial for a relationship 47m10s.
• In a current relationship, banning comparisons and not speaking about unmet needs through the lens of others or past relationships has been helpful 47m21s.
• To rekindle intimacy, starting small and acknowledging the current stage of the relationship can be beneficial, such as acknowledging the challenges of having kids and wanting more intimacy 47m52s.
• Making small offers and taking small steps towards intimacy, such as setting up a romantic atmosphere and offering relaxation and affection, can help rekindle intimacy without pressure 48m7s.
• Focusing on relaxation, affection, and connection, rather than intercourse, can help reduce pressure and allow for a more natural progression of intimacy 48m35s.
• Communicating openly and honestly about desires and boundaries, and being willing to take things slowly and see how it goes, can be an effective way to rekindle intimacy in a relationship 48m51s.

Why There Shouldn’t Be Pressure Around Sex 48m53s

• Pressure around sex can cause stress and prevent a person from getting into a romantic or intimate state, but removing this pressure allows the body to go into arousal and connection, feel safe and relaxed, and become turned on 48m54s.
• Effective communication is essential in removing pressure and addressing issues related to sex, as not discussing the topic can lead to awkwardness and compound the problem 49m24s.
• Failing to communicate about sex can result in situations where both partners are thinking about the issue but not discussing it, leading to feelings of anxiety and potentially pretending to sleep to avoid the conversation 49m40s.
• Removing pressure, blame, and judgment around sex is crucial in creating a safe and open environment for discussion and intimacy 50m1s.
• People may be hesitant to discuss their feelings about sex due to the risk of the other person leaving, being mad, or not wanting to work through the issue together 50m12s.
• Admitting to having a problem with sex can be difficult, especially when the solution is unknown, making it challenging for individuals to openly discuss their issues 50m25s.

Exploring Erotic Playdates 50m30s

• Erotic playdates are a way to have fun and create erotic adventures in a relationship, moving away from the pressure of just having intercourse 50m31s.
• When people think about their sexuality as not just about intercourse, but as a way to have fun and try new things, they can take the pressure off and have more intercourse 51m18s.
• Good sex is an equation that is half safety and security, and half variety and novelty, with a foundation of trust, safety, and good communication 51m46s.
• Adding novelty and erotic adventures to a relationship can help keep the sex life exciting and prevent boredom 52m21s.
• Having a foundation of trust and safety allows partners to communicate openly and try new things together 52m30s.
• Creating a sex life bucket list can help partners identify new things they want to try and look forward to 53m8s.
• A sex life bucket list can include 48 sexy ideas, such as lingerie photo shoots, finding the G-spot, and trying new sex toys 53m13s.
• Partners can use a printout and video to go through the list and identify their A's (must-try ideas), B's (willing to try), and C's (not interested) 53m37s.
• As individuals mature, their sexual development and preferences may change, and what was once not appealing may become desirable 54m8s.

What to Do When Your Partner Mocks Your Sexual Fantasies 54m25s

• When a partner mocks or dismisses one's sexual fantasies, it can be disappointing and make the person feel like they're not being heard or understood 54m25s.
• In such situations, it's essential to understand that the partner's reaction might be due to fear or lack of knowledge, and education can help alleviate these concerns 55m29s.
• To educate a partner, one can approach the conversation by expressing their own desires and suggesting a fun and exploratory experience, such as visiting a sex toy store together 55m35s.
• If the partner still expresses disinterest, it's crucial to ask open-ended questions to understand their concerns and address them in a non-judgmental manner 56m1s.
• It's also important to reassure the partner that exploring new things in the bedroom is not about replacing them, but rather about adding new experiences to the relationship 56m5s.
• Using everyday examples, such as using tools for convenience and pleasure, can help illustrate the idea that sex toys are just tools for pleasure 56m27s.
• If the partner is still not interested in sex toys, it's essential to respect their boundaries and explore other options, such as creating a sex life bucket list together 56m44s.
• By meeting the partner where they are and exploring new experiences together, couples can strengthen their connection and intimacy 56m55s.

Managing Communication Between Opposite Sexes in Relationships 57m4s

• A former partner once mentioned that people over 50 can still have great sex, which emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy sex life regardless of age 57m5s.
• Stereotypes and expectations can be corrosive to sexual exploration and openness in relationships, highlighting the need for honest communication and understanding 57m21s.
• The concept of "sex languages" is introduced, suggesting that individuals may have different preferences and desires when it comes to sex, which can sometimes be in opposition to their partner's 57m51s.
• The idea of "erotic blueprints" is discussed, which categorizes individuals into five different sexual archetypes, similar to the concept of love languages 58m20s.
• Understanding one's own erotic blueprint can be a good starting point, but it's also important to be open to trying new things and stepping out of one's comfort zone to become more confident in one's sexuality 58m47s.
• Being willing to learn and adapt can help individuals become more versatile and confident in their sexual preferences, whether that means learning to take control or surrender 59m2s.

How Safety and Novelty Create Desire 59m23s

• The combination of safety and novelty creates desire, and having a large number of new ideas is essential for a long-lasting relationship, as a person living for 100 years would need a lot of new ideas to keep things exciting 59m24s.
• Having a partner who is open to trying new things can be very fun, and it's essential to have a partner who is willing to say "yes" to new ideas and experiences 59m35s.
• When going on a date, whether with one partner or multiple partners, it's helpful to sit down and discuss what everyone is in the mood for and come up with a game plan, but also be open to changing plans and following desires 1h0m2s.
• Being comfortable with one's partner allows for listening to one's "animal" and following desires, rather than sticking to a prescribed plan 1h0m43s.
• Humans are part of the great apes and are subject to various factors such as sugar intake, stress, and exercise, which can affect desires and moods during intimate experiences 1h0m53s.
• It's essential to approach each intimate experience without a prescribed plan and instead see what one's appetite and desires are in the moment 1h1m26s.
• Being open to trying new things, such as new toys or locations, can help keep things exciting and follow one's desires 1h1m42s.

Overcoming Early Ejaculation 1h1m53s

• Premature ejaculation or performance anxiety affects one in four men of all ages, making it a common issue that many men face 1h2m41s.
• The Me Breath technique, developed by Jim Benson, helps men attain ejaculatory choice, allowing them to ejaculate when they want to, rather than due to a lack of control 1h2m57s.
• The Me Breath technique uses three main components: a squeeze of the PC muscle (pubococcygeus muscle), a cool draw breath, and a pelvic rock or thrust 1h3m52s.
• The pelvic rock helps men relax and move away from the typical piston-like motion during intercourse, which can accelerate ejaculation 1h4m14s.
• Practicing the Me Breath technique during masturbation can help men slow down their arousal and gain more control over ejaculation 1h4m50s.
• The mental component of premature ejaculation is also addressed through sematic techniques that help men stay present and focused on the moment, rather than worrying about past experiences or performance anxiety 1h5m35s.
• By practicing the Me Breath technique and staying present, men can reduce pressure on their partner and increase their own pleasure, leading to a more enjoyable experience for both parties 1h5m59s.
• The pelvic rock motion used in the Me Breath technique can also feel good for the partner during intercourse, adding an extra benefit to the practice 1h6m28s.
• Changing one's perspective on sex, from a focus on speed and performance to a more relaxed and enjoyable experience, can also help men overcome premature ejaculation and improve their overall sexual experience 1h6m54s.

What’s the Most Effective Sex Toy? 1h7m26s

• Yoni massage is considered an important aspect of pleasuring a partner, with Yoni referring to the vagina in a more comprehensive and reverential sense, encompassing both the internal and external areas 1h7m41s.
• The term Yoni is preferred over vagina as it is more accurate and respectful, acknowledging the vagina as the internal cavern and the vulva as the external facing tissue 1h7m57s.
• When using the term Yoni, it is essential to approach it with a loving, gentle, and pleasurable perspective, considering it as the seat of a woman's passion and creativity 1h8m40s.
• Giving a Yoni massage before making love is recommended, and toys specifically designed for this purpose, known as Layon toys, can be useful tools 1h9m9s.
• Layon toys, such as the Pulse Queen, feature pulse plate technology that penetrates the vulva and feels great on the clitoral structures, mons, outer labia, inner labia, and vestibule 1h9m34s.
• The Pulse Queen is a Layon tool that can be turned on by holding the middle button down for a minute, and its vibrating plate provides a pleasurable experience for the Yoni 1h9m42s.

The Vibe: Benefits and Features 1h10m11s

• The Vibe is a tool that sends penetrating pulsating pleasure into the vulva, and it's a Layon tool that can be used for Yoni massages to get blood flowing into the vulva, making the tissue nice and plump, allowing a woman to achieve an erection 1h10m14s.
• The penis has erectile tissue that holds blood, and when a man gets an erection, it happens quickly, usually within a minute or two, due to the spongy tissue in the penis having three straight shoots that blood runs into 1h11m19s.
• A female body has the same amount of erectile tissue as a penis, but it's distributed differently, with the vagina wrapped in erectile tissue in the form of little arms, legs, and shafts, and it takes about 20 minutes for a woman to achieve a clitoral erection 1h11m34s.
• Yoni massages are beneficial because they get blood flowing into the vulva, allowing the tissue to become plump and erect, which is necessary for pleasurable sex, as sex feels better when the tissue is erect and has more surface area to send signals to the brain 1h12m20s.
• Women often don't have time to achieve an erection due to societal expectations and media portrayals of sex, which can lead to women feeling like they can't have an orgasm from intercourse, but with enough pleasuring before penetration, women can have orgasms throughout intercourse 1h12m51s.
• The G-spot is not a spot, but a long tube, and the vagina is wrapped in erectile tissue, which is the same amount found in a penis, and it's essential to understand this anatomy to provide pleasurable sex 1h11m55s.
• The brain is the biggest sex organ, and when the tissue is erect, it sends more signals to the brain, making sex feel better, and it's essential to slow down and get women ready for sex to ensure a pleasurable experience 1h12m44s.

Understanding Different Types of Orgasms 1h13m45s

• There are over 20 different types of orgasms, including locations to touch such as clitoral, vaginal, anal, breast, nipple, and throat, as well as techniques to use and tools or objects of desire 1h13m46s.
• Female ejaculation is a type of orgasm that all women can experience, but it requires specific techniques that are not typically depicted in porn 1h14m17s.
• Expanded orgasm techniques can lead to a Quantum orgasm, which is a more intense and longer-lasting experience 1h14m25s.
• There are three main types of orgasm: locations to touch, techniques to use, and tools or objects of desire 1h14m38s.
• A regular orgasm is similar to the traditional view of an orgasm, but there are other types, such as multiple orgasms, extended orgasms, and expanded orgasms 1h14m56s.
• Multiple orgasms can be achieved by slowing down, using lighter touch, and providing more engorgement and foreplay, allowing the woman to move into multiple orgasms 1h15m38s.
• Extended orgasms involve sitting in sensation and stretching out the moment of orgasm, making it a mindfulness practice 1h16m12s.
• Expanded orgasms, also known as the "king" or "queen" of orgasms, involve riding a big wave of pleasure and can last for 10, 20, or 30 minutes or more 1h16m53s.
• Expanded orgasms require a high level of skill and practice, but can lead to intense and prolonged pleasure, and can even involve a spiritual connection 1h17m48s.
• Dr. Patty Taylor is credited with teaching the expanded orgasm technique, which involves letting go and stepping off into the unknown to experience a deeper connection 1h18m25s.

Third Question From the Audience 1h19m23s

• A man and his girlfriend have been together for two years and recently moved in together about a year ago, but they are experiencing a dry spell in their bedroom life 1h19m24s.
• Their intimate life has become mechanical, especially in the last several months, causing concern for their relationship's future 1h19m39s.
• The man is worried about the situation and wants to help improve it, as his girlfriend is not enjoying their intimate life, which is affecting her mood 1h19m46s.
• The man teaches passionate love-making techniques for work but faces challenges in promoting expanded orgasm practice due to work-related restrictions 1h20m2s.

How to Have an Expanded Orgasm With Your Partner 1h20m13s

• To have an expanded orgasm with a partner, a 21-erotic play date program can be followed, which includes learning the 'f stroke technique' 1h20m17s.
• The program begins with creating a sex life bucket list 1h20m25s.
• Other initial steps in the program include trying out sex toys and giving each other Yoni massages 1h20m31s.

Women’s Favourite Sex Toy: A Guide 1h20m33s

• A popular sex toy for partnered sex is a double vibrating penis ring that can be worn by the man, allowing the woman to ride him while the toy vibrates against her clitoris, providing pleasure for both partners 1h20m51s.
• The double vibrating penis ring is designed to be worn on the penis, with the testicles going through a hole, and it vibrates on the clitoris while attached, providing perineal pleasure for the man and clitoral pleasure for the woman 1h21m26s.
• Another option is a small toy called the Digit, which is a small, ring-shaped toy that can be used to stimulate the clitoris during penetration, and is designed to be easy to hold onto, even with lubricated hands 1h21m42s.
• The Digit toy is recommended because it is easy to use and can be rested against the clitoris, allowing for hands-free stimulation, and is a good option for those who have trouble holding onto small toys 1h22m3s.
• In addition to introducing sex toys, it is also recommended to give the woman Yoni massages, which involve laying her down, using oil, and massaging her genital area 1h22m7s.

The Pleasure Protocol Explained 1h22m17s

• The Pleasure Protocol consists of three components: a melt, an intimacy or awaken arousal oil, and a breast oil, designed to enhance pleasure and intimacy during sex 1h22m17s.
• The melt is a small amount of cocoa butter with CBD and botanicals that is inserted into the vagina, where it melts and makes the vagina feel velvety and luscious 1h22m27s.
• The cocoa butter is an aphrodisiac and has a pleasant smell, similar to dark chocolate, due to its origin from cacao 1h23m14s.
• The awaken arousal oil is applied to the outside of the vulva, including the mons, outer and inner labia, clitoral shaft and tip, and the vestibule, to increase arousal and pleasure 1h23m40s.
• The sex oil can be applied as needed to enhance slide and glide during sex 1h24m5s.
• The breast oil is used to enhance pleasure and orgasm through nipple stimulation, and can be applied by dripping it onto the breasts and nipples and then spreading it around 1h24m52s.
• The breast oil can be used during intimate moments, such as making out or talking, to increase connection and pleasure 1h25m41s.

Fourth Question From the Audience 1h25m55s

• The individual is seeking advice on how to improve their oral sex skills, as they feel it is expected at this point in their relationship, and wants to learn more about what to do with their partner's nipples, including how long to suck on them and whether to tweak them, as they find it awkward 1h25m55s.
• The person is open to learning and acknowledges that everyone feels awkward at first, but with practice, they can improve their skills and make oral sex a more enjoyable experience for both partners 1h26m45s.
• Having great oral techniques is considered essential, and it's believed that people who dislike oral sex may have just not had good oral sex yet, as it can be highly orgasmic and amazing in its own right 1h26m56s.
• Mutual oral pleasuring, also known as 69, is also discussed, and it's suggested that people who dislike it may be overthinking it and should focus on being connected and circulating energy and pleasure, rather than concentrating too much 1h27m12s.
• The importance of practice in improving sex skills is emphasized, with the idea that practice makes perfect 1h27m31s.

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Menopause vs. Libido: Addressing Changes 1h29m27s

• Libidos can drop during menopause, but the experience varies greatly from person to person, depending on factors such as genetics, diet, and belief systems 1h29m28s.
• Some women report having the best sex of their lives during menopause, while others experience a significant decrease in libido 1h29m35s.
• Low testosterone levels can be associated with low libido, but this is not always the case 1h29m51s.
• Libido, desire, and arousal are distinct concepts that need to be understood in order to address changes in sex drive 1h29m56s.

Libido, Desire, and Arousal: The Connection 1h29m59s

• Libido, desire, and arousal are three distinct concepts, but they are often used interchangeably 1h30m0s.
• Libido refers to a person's overall health, encompassing physical and emotional well-being 1h30m1s.
• When someone becomes ill, either physically or emotionally, it can significantly impact their ability to engage in intercourse, leading some couples to stop intimate physical contact altogether 1h30m6s.
• To maintain a healthy sex life, it's essential to find ways to overcome obstacles and adapt to challenges, rather than giving up 1h30m17s.
• Engaging in sexual biohacking and regenerative therapies can be beneficial for maintaining a healthy libido and overall well-being 1h30m40s.

How Testosterone Levels Affect Libido 1h30m46s

• Desire is closely linked to how one feels about themselves, and overcoming body issues and self-perceived imperfections is essential to rekindle pleasure and connection in a relationship 1h30m46s.
• Having children and aging do not necessarily mean that a couple cannot have great sex, as long as they focus on creating a joyful and pleasurable experience together 1h31m11s.
• A household where parents have a healthy and happy relationship can positively impact their children, who grow up in a less stressful environment 1h31m18s.
• Arousal in men often occurs quickly, allowing them to be ready for sex at short notice, whereas women typically require relaxation and time to become aroused, needing around 20-30 minutes for blood flow and engorgement to occur 1h31m32s.

When Sex Becomes Routine: Tips for Reigniting Passion 1h31m56s

• A listener, Ethan, expressed frustration about his sex life becoming routine, with only one or two positions and always at nighttime in bed, usually on Saturdays, and his partner wanting the same experience every time to achieve orgasm 1h31m58s.
• The partner likely has only one pathway to orgasm and wants a "sure thing," which is why she prefers the same routine every time, and this is due to a lack of knowledge and fear 1h32m49s.
• There are 20 kinds of orgasms and multiple pathways to achieve them, and it's recommended to try "orgasmic cross-training" by starting with what works and adding something new 1h33m31s.
• To add something new, try breast play, such as tracing fingers, using breast oil, and stimulating the breasts and nipples, which may not feel good at first but can lead to pleasure 1h33m52s.
• When touching a woman's breasts, nipples, vulva, clitoris, or vagina, she may feel pain, numbness, shame, or pleasure, and what stands between these feelings and pleasure is "orgasmic activation" through loving touch 1h34m30s.
• Orgasmic activation can start neural pathways to the brain, making it possible to feel pleasure, and it's recommended to touch the labia in a loving way to activate these pathways 1h35m5s.
• To bring all sensations online and make orgasms easier, it's recommended to offer Yoni massages without intercourse on a separate day of the week to activate the tissue and help the partner understand her vulva's beauty 1h35m41s.
• Women often have trouble staying in their body and sensation, and a sex therapist can teach them how to stay in sensation and feel it, as people are often disconnected from their sensation 1h36m10s.

Pornography and Masturbation: The Impact on Relationships 1h36m24s

• Masturbation and pornography can have an impact on relationships, and it's essential to consider their effects on individuals and their partners 1h36m24s.
• Some women have privately shared their struggles with pornography addiction, which challenges the common stereotype that only men struggle with this issue 1h36m41s.
• The discussion highlights the importance of considering the potential harm caused by the content often depicted in pornography, such as the degradation of women, which can affect one's perception of sex and relationships 1h38m24s.
• Masturbation without pornography can be beneficial, as it helps activate tissue, allows for pleasure and fantasy, and can be a healthy way to explore one's sexuality 1h38m45s.
• New technologies, such as heated toys and app-connected vibrators, can enhance the masturbation experience and provide new ways to explore pleasure and fantasy 1h39m1s.
• The use of fantasy and sensual experiences can be a more fulfilling way to explore one's sexuality, rather than relying solely on pornography 1h38m57s.
• It's essential to prioritize one's own agenda, fantasies, and experiences in their sex life, rather than living vicariously through others, such as those depicted in pornography 1h37m35s.
• Addiction to pornography can be challenging to overcome, with some individuals experiencing withdrawal symptoms when trying to stop 1h37m55s.
• The goal should be to cultivate passionate, erotic, sensual, and heart-connected experiences in one's sex life, rather than relying on external sources like pornography 1h38m34s.

The Importance of STI Testing 1h40m52s

• STI testing is crucial before engaging in any physical activity beyond kissing or hands-on contact with a new partner to ensure safety and prevent long-term negative effects of STIs 1h40m59s.
• Having STI kits at home can be convenient for testing with a new partner before proceeding with physical intimacy 1h41m40s.
• Some STIs can have permanent effects and cannot be completely cured with antibiotics, making regular testing essential 1h41m55s.
• The importance of STI testing is particularly relevant for individuals in polyamorous relationships or those who attend sex parties 1h41m20s.
• Basis DX is a company that offers STI testing solutions, and the Chief Advocacy Officer emphasizes the importance of testing before engaging in physical activity 1h41m11s.
• Ignorance about STIs and sex can create fear, but learning and trying new things can help alleviate this fear and promote a healthier sex life 1h42m37s.

Knowing When to Walk Away From a Partner 1h43m22s

• Knowing when to walk away from a partner is crucial, and before making that decision, it's recommended to try couples therapy if possible, especially if there are issues with mismatched styles, desires, libido, or trauma 1h43m22s.
• If a partner is unwilling to attend therapy, it may be due to the discomfort of discussing intimate topics with a stranger, which can be especially true for men 1h43m49s.
• Couples therapy can provide a dedicated space for open and honest discussions, making the rest of the relationship more enjoyable, and it's beneficial to have a therapist to help navigate difficult issues 1h44m41s.
• Men may have a bias against initiating conversations about unmet needs and sex life, but having a partner who does can be beneficial in the long run, as it can lead to a better understanding of each other's needs 1h45m12s.
• Women are often more articulate and better at expressing unmet needs, which can create a dynamic where men feel like their job is to keep their partner happy, but it's essential to recognize that unmet needs can be a sign of deeper issues 1h46m19s.
• Having a partner who is sensitive to unmet needs can be beneficial, as it can lead to a stronger and more fulfilling relationship, and men should be grateful for a partner who sounds the alarm and initiates conversations about important topics 1h46m47s.
• Reviewing the key points discussed, it's essential to make small offers, fill your partner with orgasms, give Yoni massages, slow down, and hold each other, as these actions can strengthen the relationship and create a deeper connection 1h47m25s.
• Prioritizing physical and mental well-being, learning new skills, and having new experiences together can also contribute to a more fulfilling sex life and a stronger relationship 1h47m52s.

Last Guest's Question 1h48m12s

• A question is left for the next guest from the last guest, without knowing who they are leaving it for, which is: if you could go back and tell your 20-year-old self something that would have made you happier, healthier, and more successful, what would you tell them? 1h48m13s
• The answer to this question is to tell your 20-year-old self to "play full out" and never compromise your gifts and talents. 1h48m33s
• It is emphasized that one should never play small and that it is not their job to make other people feel comfortable, but rather to live the best and most amazing life possible. 1h48m40s
• It is also mentioned that one can bring their heart to everyone, but their main job is to live their life to the fullest. 1h48m48s

Question for Steven 1h48m57s

• A person has gained new insights and perspectives after a conversation, including learning about the limbic system and its implications for relationships and connection, as well as the importance of Tantra. 1h49m7s
• The person plans to bring home new toys and apply the knowledge gained to improve their relationship and connection with their partner. 1h49m9s
• Removing pressure from sex is crucial, and scheduling "play dates" without the expectation of penetrative intercourse can help build connection and intimacy. 1h49m52s
• Novelty in sex is essential, especially in long-term relationships, and can be achieved by trying new things and keeping the relationship fresh. 1h50m7s
• The concept of "desire management" is discussed, which involves managing desire to prevent it from fading out, much like a flame that needs the right amount of oxygen to stay lit. 1h50m19s
• Too much distance or lack of safety can extinguish desire, while the right amount of safety and novelty can keep it alive. 1h50m41s
• The importance of safety and variety in maintaining desire is highlighted, with the equation "safety and variety equals desire" being mentioned, which was learned from Esther Perel, not Dossy Eaton. 1h51m35s
• Observations of friends' relationships and approaches to intimacy are shared, including one friend who moves in with partners quickly, which has led to problematic situations. 1h51m47s
• The concept of a "Sweet Spot" in relationships is subjective and varies from person to person, and it's essential to find a balance that works for each individual 1h52m27s.
• The goal of having open conversations about stigmatized subjects like sex and relationships is to demystify them and make them more accessible to people 1h52m39s.
• A diary or journal can be a helpful tool for tracking progress, identifying areas for improvement, and developing consistency in making positive changes in one's life 1h54m14s.
• The power of compounding small, consistent actions (1% improvements) can lead to significant and lasting changes in outcomes 1h53m50s.
• A team's attention to detail, such as measuring CO2 levels in a studio, can contribute to their success and the quality of their work 1h53m38s.
• A limited-edition diary is being created to help people identify and stay focused on making positive changes in their lives, and it can be purchased at thediary.com 1h54m28s.
• The diary is designed to be a beautiful and inspiring tool, with pictures, motivational content, and interactive elements 1h54m8s.
• The creator of the diary is committed to helping people make positive changes in their lives through small, consistent actions 1h53m59s.